The Ex Scavenger Hunt…

“I’m so over him…emphasis on the ‘over’…emphasis on the ‘him.'”

I don’t know why, but if I’m hung up on someone, it helps me to revert to the teenage vocal fry of, “OMG, him?!”  The voice of younger Suzanne whose interest does not encompass anything so dumb as boys.  Plus it helps remembering youth and the promise of potential associated; however, let’s not put too much stock in “being young” and remember the lovely Carrie Fisher saying, “Youth and beauty are not accomplishments.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re like so old…” says Teenage Suzanne.

Ok, Teenage Suzanne just took her Slurpee and left, so I shant pervert this blog with her thoughts anymore.

It’s been a while since I’ve been in a relationship, and therefore I have gained that sweet, sweet perspective.  I’m not saying that I’m so emotionally healthy I always find the lessons and move on; I’m just saying time has washed over my wounds.

Embracing a younger, more carefree mindset cheats me into remembering that I’ve still got so much ahead of me.  “I’m not eating nacho cheese by the spoonful to cope with my emotions…I’m channeling my youth and tapping into lost potential! URGH!!!”

There’s still a lot I want to accomplish; therefore, I’m not gonna get upset about a relationship that was shorter than a hippo’s gestation period.

Ok…so we’re sitting down and our heart is on the dining room table in the form of a 10,000 piece puzzle.  What do we do?  Start with the edges and work inward?  Why waste so much time?  I think we should all just go outside and play Ex Scavenger Hunt!

How to Play Ex Scavenger Hunt:

  1. Discreetly find your ex moving about in his/her daily life.
  2. Move in to secretly take a selfie with said ex.
  3. RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!

And I don’t mean just slip into the subway…I mean leg it down the street…preferably with your hands above your head.  The idea is that now you’ve got the “last picture” you’ll ever take together, so wasting no time, you RUN to start your new life.  Noted that this takes a high level of commitment, but have you ever sprinted down the street with your arms above your head?  It’s soooooo fun!

I like the persona shift in this game.  You, a broken-hearted person who dreads seeing your ex, transforms into a person who can never look back.  Literally because otherwise you’ll make eye contact with your ex.  Bridges burned, lines in the sand drawn…onwards and upwards is the ONLY option!

Uh…I get it.  It sounds insane, but so does crying into your pillow for months and torturing yourself with fantasies of you two “making it work.”  It didn’t work, so let’s take a selfie and move on.

“Oh my god!  You’re still in your pajamas?!  Gross…” scoffs Teenage Suzanne.



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