Silencing the Snarkiness…

I watched a couple of documentaries* this weekend, and I found myself almost unable to concentrate on the subject matter because the snarky voice in my head would not shut up!  To be fair each documentary deserved some criticism, but that’s also partly my snarky voice defending herself.

Why do I have such a prominent snark-factor in my brain?  How does my snarkiness compare to others’ snarkiness?  It distracted me so much that I often had to rewind to catch what the interviewee said.  The voice persistently vying for attention like a little kid, upset because I wanted to focus attention on other stimuli rather than listening to and manifesting more snarkiness.

Why do I have snarky thoughts in the first place?  I guess it makes me feel intelligent???  As in, “Oooooo!  Look at my intelligence poking holes in your logic, documentary filmmaker douchebag!!!”  However, it’s an internal bully.  Like the innocent, curious side to me wants to listen to new ideas, yet the snarky voice just cannot let information filter in without putting her tarnished stamp on it.  Just leave it alone, Snarkarella!

Now…let me establish that I’m not putting snarkiness and skepticism into the same category.  Snarkiness to me is unnecessary skepticism.  Skepticism is a warranted, healthy thing…I don’t think one can live in New York City without skepticism.  Well, you could, but you’d soon be financially ruined and “sleeping” at the bottom of the river.  However, snarkiness to me is unsolicited internal monologue that just cuts to shit everything I’m taking in.  Skepticism keeps us safe from dangerous situations and brings humor; snarkiness unnecessarily steps below the line into pure bitterness.  Skepticism is the fun aunt making jokes in church; snarkiness is the raging drunk swinging a broken beer bottle.

When the snarky voice quiets, I can have a stream of thoughts that bend and harden into concepts and personal beliefs.  Snarkiness interrupts that stream of consciousness with a really hack joke like, “If these people are so successful, why haven’t they had their teeth fixed?!”  When Snarkipants McGee chimes in, the thought can’t progress.  I just create entropy in my brain so that I may as well have stared at a box of Jell-O all afternoon, then eventually left the kitchen upset that I didn’t have any ambrosia salad.

This may sound like a load of horse shit, and if it does, then you and my snarky voice are high-fiving right now.  However, if it doesn’t sound like a TOTAL load of shit…thanks.  I very much appreciate it.


*The documentaries I watched were, “The Secret” and “Minimalism” both on Netflix.  Certainly both films deserve some skepticism because I’m not a totally naive twat, but snarkily thinking that both are just montages of AARP and Timeshare commercials just undermines my good intentions.

Ok…that was a LITTLE funny, but by the far the only funny thought I had.

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